My love

사랑해 그말은 무엇보다 아픈말

숨죽여서 하는말 이젠 하기 힘든말

Oh 햇살이 밝은 아침보다 밤의 달빛이 어울려요

이별의 그 입맞춤 잠시 접어둔채 이대로 이렇게

힘껏 안아줄께 널 그리고 말할께

나 이렇게 너를 외치면서 My Love

넌 보지 못할 내 마지막 눈물

힘껏 안아줄께 널 그리고 보낼께

나 또한번 너를 외치면서 My Love

넌 듣지 못할 사랑한단 내말

괜찮아 그말은 안쓰러운 거짓말

애쓰면서 웃어도 우린 그저 눈물만

Oh 햇살이 밝은 아침보다 밤의 달빛이 어울려요

이별의 그 입맞춤 잠시 접어둔채 이대로 이렇게

힘껏 안아줄께 널 그리고 말할께

나 이렇게 너를 외치면서 My Love

넌 보지 못할 내 마지막 눈물

힘껏 안아줄께 널 그리고 보낼께

나 또한번 너를 외치면서 My Love

넌 듣지 못할 사랑한단 내말

I love you – those words are more painful than any other words
Words that are said quietly, words that are now hard to say

Oh rather than a bright and sunny morning, the night’s moonlight is better
Setting aside the goodbye kiss for a moment, let’s stay like this

I’ll tightly hug you and then I’ll tell you
I’ll shout out your name and say my love
You won’t be able to see my last tears

I’ll tightly hug you and then I’ll let you go
I’ll shout out your name once again and say my love
You won’t be able to hear when I say I love you

I’m alright – those words are pitiful lies
We try to smile but we’re only filled with tears

Oh rather than a bright and sunny morning, the night’s moonlight is better
Setting aside the goodbye kiss for a moment, let’s stay like this

I’ll tightly hug you and then I’ll tell you
I’ll shout out your name and say my love
You won’t be able to see my last tears

I’ll tightly hug you and then I’ll let you go
I’ll shout out your name once again and say my love
You won’t be able to hear when I say I love you
My Love

This song epitomises what i feel at the moment. 

I admit i have not matured emotionally as a man yet, and your right about many things that we have spoken before but i always chose the easy way out - to run away.

I will learn to encounter problems head on, to be a better person.

I'll let you go, if only to have you find true happiness. It really pains me so, but i will honour your decision..

I tried calling you yesterday to meet up and properly break up in person rather than do it on the phone. You agreed, and than you cancelled. My heart sank.

I don't know why but i have not slept for almost 50 hours and its not tired, have not eaten since 35 hours and still not hungry. I really don't know to go over this depression and you but I will try to move on. I had to pop two sleeping pills just to get to bed.

Learning you have already met up with several guys, in such a short time just disheartens me so much too, but I guess its normal. You are stronger than me in every aspect, and I admire you for that, no tears, able to eat properly, able to sleep properly, able to meet people daily. I should learn from you, but I do not have much friends, theres only a handful that I can count on, and I can't bother them all the time too, they have work.

I need to find new things to do, sign up for a course, seek solace in religion, go exercise, etc.

This person used to be you, more than my mother even. You raise me up, you gave me inspiration.

It's been eleven long years blog. There's no other outlet for this cathartic outburst of mine. True friends that I can pour my feelings out to? Only one.. I really appreciate the time he has taken out from his time to cheer me up but I still feel there are so many feelings welled up inside of me.

There's a myriad feelings that I am feeling now. Hurt, angry ,disappointed and a whole lot more. I have cried, so much so that my reservoirs are dry, I can't summon the tears any further. I have drowned myself in alcohol, smoked cigarettes hoping to lessen the pain; it was only temporary. The pain still lingers deeply.

On top of it all, I am deeply impressed by your quick , decisive choice.  I was paralyzed in bed after your call, in my room for a long time, but I guess you got along pretty fine.Your actions spelt to me that you have moved on , so much faster than I expected you to take(2 days?), so much so that I don't know you anymore. I thought you would take things surreptitiously , but your open declaration on being single through social media defied my understanding of you, which 8 years of being together has gifted me. To invite male attention perhaps? You don't love me anymore, I now know.

You have changed. For better, or for worse I don't know. I just hope that you would be with someone who's better than me(be it financially or emotionally), and who does not have a bad track record.

Even if you do get together with another man, and broke up with them, I would still invite you to my embrace with open arms. I believe in second chances, just as you did give it to me three and a half years ago. I will show you that I can be a better man, a better person who not only provides financially but emotionally too.

This song epitomizes what I am feeling now, so I am dedicating it to you.

Thank you for everything. I would learn to move on , just as you did. But I would keep the feelings that we shared dearly.

Love,
Chen

feeling down.

You told me that you wanna die ,
I said myself i been there myself,
more than a few times,
I go back every once in a while,
call me lucky you,
call me luck
said tonight is a wonderful night to die
you told me to look at the sky. Look at all those stars, look at how goddamn ugly the stars are.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN............
WHAHAHAH
tmr chinese die! =D
random , selective studying yay yay!

Hmm. went to serene centre to buy cards there with my friend. bought 5 booster packs but i dun think he got any good cards. Then after that came back and donwloaded 8 animes straight. Think i busted my computer harddrive through overheating.. haha.. its so laggy even though i m on this website only.. check my com 4 viruses just now .. realised there are so many viruses esp thru irc my main source of anime downloads. Shall chat a while , and then take a long slumber later.. felt drained out today as i had only 61/2 hrs of sleep yest argh.. i need to have at least 9-10 hrs of sleep to feel "awake".

I was in town today till 10.30 .. actually all of the time la .. if u noe wad i mean.. played marvel vs capcom 2 at the arcade and got thrased by a guy me... so many combos 10-12 hit aerial air combo whereelse i can only do 4.. gonna sleep now .. feeling rather lethargic lately no mood to do anything